March 10, 2006

Watch Your Phrasing....

There are a few phrases out there that just annoy me. They’ve annoyed me to the point that I’m going to write about them and share why they annoy me and hopefully you’ll be annoyed too... I’m not trying to stop the usage of the phrases (although it would be fantastic) just spread the annoyance of it. Enjoy.

“The First Annual…”: There is no such thing as “First Annual.” There’s a “First Ever” but until there’s a second one it can’t be considered an annual event. If you’d like it to become annual you can state that, but there simply isn’t anything that is annual on the first time out. I don’t know why this one grates on me so much, but it does.

“My First... (Book)…”: Once we had a daughter, we discovered (through gifts) this line of books for kids. It includes names like “My First Bible.” “My First Alphabet Book,” “My First Outdoors Book,” “My First Quantum Physics Problem Solving Book.” What an ego this book has to be able to claim it’s the first one my child has ever had. On particular “My First” book, we got three of them. Should I scribble “first” out on the other two? If I buy one of these for a baby, do I need to call ahead to make sure it’s going to be the first one he/she has gotten? Too much pressure… Just buy the folks diapers and be done with it.

“The Best Kept Secret”: When people are trying to get you to go to a new business, or trying to let you know about something that you may not be aware of, sometimes they refer to it as “The best kept secret ion Town!” This tells me two things. 1. You’re not good at keeping secrets. 2. The place won’t be around too long if their trying to make money and they keep the fact that they have a business a secret.

I know, it’s a marketing ploy to make you think you’ve discovered something that not many other people have… but it’s dumb. It’s marketing to the lowest common denominator client…and if that’s who you are, well… Send me a check. Invest in the best kept secret on the internet.

“Home Cooking”: There are a lot of restaurants out there that tout the fact that they serve “home cooking.” The reason I’m going out to eat is because I want to eat something I don’t get at home. No discredit to the wonderful meals that are created at my house at all. My wife is an awesome cook and I’m no slouch around the breakfast stove, but when I go out to eat, it’s to get something different. I don’t want home cooking. I want restaurant cooking. If you wan’t to get the same idea across…call it “comfort food” not “home cooking.”

“All You Can Eat”: I talked about this one before. This one is hard for me. I love buffets (just ask my ever expanding belly) and I like eating a good amount of food… but I know, in my heart, I can eat more. If I’m at an “all you can eat” I feel obligated to eat all I can. Not just all I care to eat… all I can. THIS IS WHY AMERICANS ARE FAT. Wording needs to change.. not diets.

“To Die For”: I’ve never met a pastry that I would end my life after eating. When you tell me that doughnut is to die for… That’s what I picture. I certainly wouldn’t want to recommend something like that to someone. “Hey Cisco, you’ll want to fricking die a slow painful death after eating this slice of pizza! It’s freaking AWESOME!”

“Basically”: I use this word sometimes, but it’s a word with no actual use. Think about it. Everytime it’s used either as a word filler “what I’m basically getting at is…” or as an undefinate answer that means “yes.” It can be stricken from the English language and we’d never miss it.

Until Next time… please think before you use phrases.

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