5 Steps To Becoming
A Successful Commercial Country Singer
$150 jeans and $100 plaid shirt, or classic rock & roll shirts, or Southern Thread apparel…if you feel really bold… why not an Affliction shirt. Add a handkerchief sticking out of back pocket and a wallet chain… basically try and look like a more douche-y version of 1990s grunge and add a cowboy hat or John Deere-themed baseball cap. Facial hair is not recommended, but it doesn’t hurt early on… when you’re looking hungry. It’ll give the record company something to stick a feather in their hat saying they “improved upon your look” when they sent you to the stylist and they shave you.
Write your songs about trucks, Saturday night, Dirt Roads, Drinking too much and driving, yesteryear, fields, tractors, barns, blondes and tailgates. Make sure you have a chorus that is easy to remember and is repeated often… Don’t worry… your stuff will never actually make it on the radio… if you have a decent voice and look good you’ll get “label support” which means a team of writers will be penning the song everyone will assume is about your youth.
Oh.. Just hire some session musicians to play on the album… it’ll save you from firing your best friend when the record company decides they are only interested in “carrying” one person.
Oh.. I guess I should have mentioned that before… you need the deep pockets of a record company to make it… you know.. so your amazingly polished sound (that has the same sound as 4 other bands with songs in the top 10 this week) can make its way to corporate radio (cha-ching) and begin a serious rotation (palm greased). Or maybe you can go on some music-based reality TV show. That might work.. if you can get on there... Oooh... or just marry a music exec’s daughter.
(Note: If you’re a commercial country singer and you read this… don’t worry, I’m talking about the other ones.. not you. You got it honestly… we can all see that. Love you… have all of your albums).
Sean Claes has been a music journalist for about 20 years and he doesn't actually believe the above story to be true… but writing it made him chuckle. I hope it does for you as well. It's humor...OK? Breathe.
If you're ACTAULLY looking for advice on being a successful musician... I did a 52-week series of advice for DIY musicians here - link